April Dawn: Do I miss you? Every day.

         You know that feeling you get when something's missing; that pit in your stomach that just won't go away? That is the feeling I had when I woke up on Monday morning and realized it had been 4 years since I had looked my sister in her "root beer" eyes. Four years since I hugged her frail body... 4 years since I shared a Diet Coke with my best friend. It took a little more energy to get out of bed that day. It struck me hard when I thought about her babies and how much they must miss their mom each and everyday. I thought of my mom and dad and how devastating it must have been to lose their first born way too early. I thought of my brother and sister and prayed hard that their bodies would not fail them; that they could keep pushing through the hardballs that Cystic Fibrosis throws their way. I thought of all of the things I should have told her and how I should have been a better sister and friend.

                                              And then I stopped.

        As tears flowed down my cheeks and made droplets on my pillow, I STOPPED fearing, I STOPPED regretting, and I STOPPED longing for what I could not change. Faith filled the hole that fear had burned in my soul and I STARTED reminiscing on the wonderful and beautiful things in my life.

      I know I will see April again someday, but until then I will snuggle her babies close to feel her spirit. I will look into Ashlyn's "root beer" eyes and see joy. I will snuggle Easton's frail little 9 year old body and feel joy. I will remember April's LIFE and I will feel joy.

       

We're not that different after all...

       When I was a little girl, I would sit on my mom's lap in my grandma's old wooden rocking chair, and we would sing the ABC's. It wasn't until a few years later that I learned about 2 letters of the alphabet that would change my life forever; CF. I had always dreamed of being a singer and these two letters seemed to make that impossible. But I refused to let Cystic Fibrosis define me. And it was then that I stopped focusing on two little letters, and started living by three powerful words. Just watch me. There is so much more to me than Cystic Fibrosis and I know that you'll see that throughout this blog if you Just Watch Me.

       For those of you who don't know what Cystic Fibrosis is, I'll tell you a little bit about it. It's a genetic disease that mainly affects the lungs and the pancreas, but also targets the whole body. Since it is genetic, both parents have to be carriers of the gene and even then it's a one in four chance that you have a child with the disease. All four of the kids in my family have Cystic Fibrosis. What are the odds of that happening you ask? .39%! It affects about 30,000 people in the United States and is currently the number 1 genetic killer of children. There is no cure at the time, but many medical achievements are being made daily.

        I remember hearing a story about when my oldest sister, April, was born. The doctor handed my parents a box of Kleenex as they explained that she had a terminal illness called Cystic Fibrosis. They told my parents that she wouldn't live passed the age of 8. But she proved them wrong and lived until she was 26 years old. She brought 2 beautiful babies into the world and definitely left an imprint on the hearts of many. My older brother is now 28 and is the sweetest person you will ever meet. He literally has given the coat off of his back to many, picks up hitch-hikers and puts a smile on everyone's face that he comes in contact with. In High school he was one of the top golfers in Idaho and is now a gymnastics coach. Christina is 16 and is full of life. She is an incredible singer and travels with me across the country sharing our message of hope and inspiration through word and song. We like to joke that our house is like a circus with all of us, but really we are lucky to have each other. We can relate to one another and support each other when we are sick.

        So as you can see we are not your average family. We may seem different, but once you get to know us you'll realize We're not that different after all.