A Stand Against Bullying

        Growing up with Cystic Fibrosis is not always easy. Since it causes some to be slower to develop and underweight, it led to many problems for my brother specifically when he was younger. When Shaun was in middle school, he was small. He wasn't tall enough to be a basketball player, nor was he big enough to plow through the other boys on the football field. He noticed that he was different and there were others who took note as well. He was shut into lockers, stuffed into garbage cans, and was called the "TacoBell dog" on a weekly basis. What is sad is that 15 years later, he still remembers those terrible days of being bullied. The physical wounds may have faded away, but the shadows of the past haunt
him to this day.                                                      

It breaks my heart to see how bullying effects even the young ones in our society. My nephew is 9 years old and hates his freckles and strawberry blond hair because it is "different". How does he know that at such a young age? Because people let him know; they let him know that he is "different". At 9 years old....

When I was on America's Got Talent with my little sister, I was bullied severely online. Comments on Youtube would read "Your parents need to be shot for bringing 4 sick children into world. Wouldn't they learn to stop after the first one?" or, "You girls are ugly and should stop singing now. Don't you know you're going to die soon anyways?" I would read these comments and they would become very real to me. I believed that I was ugly, that I was a bad singer and that I was inadequate. It wasn't until I was on tour that I got a wake up call that made me snap out of my funk of thinking that I was not good enough. One day before the show, I was sobbing. I had cried all day long and wouldn't get out of bed. I stayed on the bus in my bunk with the curtains closed. My mom tried everything and finally got me into hair and make up. Ten minutes before the show I was still crying. I did not feel good enough to be here. At the time I had led myself to believe that I could not live up to the 10 year old opera prodigy Jackie Evancho, or the next blue man group Fighting Gravity. I had convinced myself I was not of worth. At that moment, Jerry Springer came up behind me to give me a daily hug before the show which had become our routine. When he saw that my eyes were swollen and my face was tear stained, he pulled me in for a hug. As my mom explained what was wrong, he grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. He said "Ali you deserve to be here, but that will never be enough until you BELIEVE you deserve to be here. With he walked away, but his words stayed with me. I needed to BELIEVE in myself.

Bullying takes lives, kills spirits and burns out the light in people's lives. We need to bring a stop to this terrible epidemic and BELIEVE in ourselves. I am talking a stand against bullying. Are you?

April Dawn: Do I miss you? Every day.

         You know that feeling you get when something's missing; that pit in your stomach that just won't go away? That is the feeling I had when I woke up on Monday morning and realized it had been 4 years since I had looked my sister in her "root beer" eyes. Four years since I hugged her frail body... 4 years since I shared a Diet Coke with my best friend. It took a little more energy to get out of bed that day. It struck me hard when I thought about her babies and how much they must miss their mom each and everyday. I thought of my mom and dad and how devastating it must have been to lose their first born way too early. I thought of my brother and sister and prayed hard that their bodies would not fail them; that they could keep pushing through the hardballs that Cystic Fibrosis throws their way. I thought of all of the things I should have told her and how I should have been a better sister and friend.

                                              And then I stopped.

        As tears flowed down my cheeks and made droplets on my pillow, I STOPPED fearing, I STOPPED regretting, and I STOPPED longing for what I could not change. Faith filled the hole that fear had burned in my soul and I STARTED reminiscing on the wonderful and beautiful things in my life.

      I know I will see April again someday, but until then I will snuggle her babies close to feel her spirit. I will look into Ashlyn's "root beer" eyes and see joy. I will snuggle Easton's frail little 9 year old body and feel joy. I will remember April's LIFE and I will feel joy.

       

We're not that different after all...

       When I was a little girl, I would sit on my mom's lap in my grandma's old wooden rocking chair, and we would sing the ABC's. It wasn't until a few years later that I learned about 2 letters of the alphabet that would change my life forever; CF. I had always dreamed of being a singer and these two letters seemed to make that impossible. But I refused to let Cystic Fibrosis define me. And it was then that I stopped focusing on two little letters, and started living by three powerful words. Just watch me. There is so much more to me than Cystic Fibrosis and I know that you'll see that throughout this blog if you Just Watch Me.

       For those of you who don't know what Cystic Fibrosis is, I'll tell you a little bit about it. It's a genetic disease that mainly affects the lungs and the pancreas, but also targets the whole body. Since it is genetic, both parents have to be carriers of the gene and even then it's a one in four chance that you have a child with the disease. All four of the kids in my family have Cystic Fibrosis. What are the odds of that happening you ask? .39%! It affects about 30,000 people in the United States and is currently the number 1 genetic killer of children. There is no cure at the time, but many medical achievements are being made daily.

        I remember hearing a story about when my oldest sister, April, was born. The doctor handed my parents a box of Kleenex as they explained that she had a terminal illness called Cystic Fibrosis. They told my parents that she wouldn't live passed the age of 8. But she proved them wrong and lived until she was 26 years old. She brought 2 beautiful babies into the world and definitely left an imprint on the hearts of many. My older brother is now 28 and is the sweetest person you will ever meet. He literally has given the coat off of his back to many, picks up hitch-hikers and puts a smile on everyone's face that he comes in contact with. In High school he was one of the top golfers in Idaho and is now a gymnastics coach. Christina is 16 and is full of life. She is an incredible singer and travels with me across the country sharing our message of hope and inspiration through word and song. We like to joke that our house is like a circus with all of us, but really we are lucky to have each other. We can relate to one another and support each other when we are sick.

        So as you can see we are not your average family. We may seem different, but once you get to know us you'll realize We're not that different after all.